i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
