we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
