First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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