Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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