I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
