I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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