Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
