im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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