Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
