laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
