i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
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