somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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