In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
