Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
