did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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