Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
