she was so not down for the gang bang
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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