I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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