My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so let's talk penis.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
