The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
