thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
