dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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