He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
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Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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