My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
