I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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