Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
