Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
