Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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