So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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