you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
