I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
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You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
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hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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