I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
