So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
