he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
