I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
