All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
