you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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