i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.