Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him