Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.