My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
well, you know. whores of a feather.