someone threw a dead crab at me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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