Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(438): View more from Quebec

I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.

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(438): I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures. http://tfl.nu/qhtl

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(828): View more from North Carolina

everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.

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(828): everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard. http://tfl.nu/9kw6

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(330): View more from Ohio

mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM

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(330): mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM http://tfl.nu/ia9w

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(502): View more from Kentucky

i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.

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(502): i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'. http://tfl.nu/b21s

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(912): View more from Georgia

I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong

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(912): I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong http://tfl.nu/xu91

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?

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(617): WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL? http://tfl.nu/2onf

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.

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(262): We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college. http://tfl.nu/yagx

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(949): View more from California

Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.

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(949): Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems. http://tfl.nu/qmb8

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(519): View more from Ontario

Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.

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(519): Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen. http://tfl.nu/rpyn

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(317): View more from Indiana

The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.

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(317): The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics. http://tfl.nu/667h

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(727): View more from Florida

Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss

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(727): Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss http://tfl.nu/ms4i

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.

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(203): Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever. http://tfl.nu/gq2j

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(540): View more from Virginia

I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.

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(540): I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex. http://tfl.nu/djdz

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(785): View more from Kansas

Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.

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(785): Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles. http://tfl.nu/6y3a

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(850): View more from Florida

You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.

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(850): You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster. http://tfl.nu/k8oo

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