Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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