the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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