Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
