I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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