this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
