Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
