Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
