help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
