the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
