i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Sorry my hands just texted you
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
