I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
