WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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