yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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