Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Randomize
