Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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