I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
are you so shy because you have an std?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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