A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
