and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
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she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
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The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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