Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
