Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
