This is not my ceiling
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
