The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
