I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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