too bad you live with your parents still
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
